Friday, October 5, 2012

Your Yogurt Betrays You

     I admit it, I spend a lot of time at the grocery store, almost everyday in fact. It's become some kind of weird addiction. I go and grab a cup of coffee and if I'm lucky an abandoned newspaper in the cafeteria. Sit down and catch up on the news ( I know, getting news by reading it from a paper, heresy ) and then grab a cart and wander aimlessly down the aisles.
     As I ramble down those aisles, instead of shopping for dinner I have gotten in the habit of people watching.  I've noticed how you can tell a lot about a person by what they have in their shopping cart. That's right, I am the shopping cart psychic.
     For example 15 cans of ravioli, a case of mountain dew, and a bag of generic Cheetos. This is most obviously the cart of the 30 year old single male. He is probably a hardcore gamer, who just moved out of mom's house about 6 months ago.
     His counterpart would be the closing in on 30, always a bridesmaid, single woman. She is just as easy to spot because of the stack of cat and/or dog food, lean cuisine ( which are actually really good ) and some type of yogurt.
     Now the parents of multiple young children or possibly one male teenager are really easy to pick out. In a way they are the humpback whales of the grocery store sea. They are usually pulling a pod of carts overflowing with things from the frozen food aisle, such as chicken nuggets, pizza rolls, frozen waffles and of course about 200 rolls of toilet paper ( because if you have kids you know this only about 5 days worth of t.p.).  Another dead giveaway are the small children under 5 circling around the cart.
     Then of course there is the guy with a gallon of generic vodka ( this would be the bottle with the big black letters that say VODKA i.e. something Fred Flintstone would drink ) a carton of menthol's, and 5 boxes of frosted flakes. He is the guy I call Mr.Friendly. He wants to talk to you and doesn't realize the bottom of his tee shirt ends about 2 inches above his belly button.  DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THIS MAN !
     Last but not least is the stalker. This would be that strange guy, with the empty cart, who is following you around the store and trying to secretly blog on his phone when he thinks you aren't looking.


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