I'm worn out, I sit here trying to think of something to write and nothing. Just nothing. So now I have some kind of stream of consciousness thing going on. I suppose maybe it gets all that inane crap out of my head that has been blocking all the creative type things jammed up in there. LOL I figured it out, I have brain constipation. I have a big blockage full of schedules, due dates, unresolved issues,` and stressing about what to do with the rest of my life. Not to mention taking care of everyone but myself. I would love to be acknowledged for something, ya know? I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, I just keep doing the same variation of crap everyday over and over again. BLEH! I know this is a pretty self indulgent rant and I apologize. I just needed to vent, and since I live a pretty isolated life ( plus my kids wouldn't understand what the hell I was talking about and my spouse is in shut down mode after work ) you get to be my anonymous therapist. You know what ? I actually feel a little better. I guess what they say is right, 90% of writing is showing up. Hhhmmm maybe just writing a post full of bitching is like a brain enema. Yes I am feeling a little more positive about the future, maybe go back to college at night or writing "that" book thats been rolling around in my head. Maybe I'll start that non-profit or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and live the same day I had today. Rut, rut, rut, I'm in a rut.
Rut, rut, rut, I'm in a rut.Rut, rut, rut, I'm in a
Rut, rut, rut, I'm in a rut.Rut, rut, rut,
Rut, rut, rut, I'm in a rut.
Sometimes I like to imagine that I'll pack a bag and just go. I don't know where just away. Somewhere where no one is depending on me or putting me down because the things I do for them isn't good enough. Maybe I would do something exciting like be a bush pilot or a bouncer in a small town bar or maybe I would go somewhere quiet and just breathe. I know this is a selfish line of thought, but this a self indulgent post and that is the whole point . Would I just check out like that....never, but you and I know we have all thought about it.
Well look at this I wrote a blogworthy post. A post full of nonsense, whining, and selfishness but I do feel a little less constipated, so good for me I guess.