Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Self Indulgent

     I'm worn out,  I sit here trying to think of something to write and nothing.  Just nothing.  So now I have some kind of stream of consciousness thing going on.  I suppose maybe it gets all that inane crap out of my head that has been blocking all the creative type things jammed up in there. LOL I figured it out, I have brain constipation. I have a big blockage full of schedules,  due dates,  unresolved issues,` and stressing about what to do with the rest of my life.  Not to mention taking care of everyone but myself.  I would love to be acknowledged for something, ya know?   I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, I just keep doing the same variation of crap everyday over and over again.  BLEH!  I know this is a pretty self indulgent rant and I apologize.  I just needed to vent,  and since I live a pretty isolated life ( plus my kids wouldn't understand what the hell I was talking about and my spouse is in shut down mode after work ) you get to be my anonymous therapist.  You know what ? I actually feel a little better.  I guess what they say is right, 90% of writing is showing up.  Hhhmmm maybe just writing a post full of bitching is like a brain enema.  Yes I am feeling a little more positive about the future, maybe go back to college at night or writing "that" book thats been rolling around in my head.  Maybe I'll start that non-profit or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and live the same day I had today.  Rut,  rut,  rut,  I'm in a rut.

 Rut,  rut,  rut,  I'm in a rut.Rut,  rut,  rut,  I'm in a  
 Rut,  rut,  rut,  I'm in a rut.Rut,  rut,  rut,  
 Rut,  rut,  rut,  I'm in a rut.

     Sometimes I like to imagine that I'll pack a bag and just go. I don't know where just away. Somewhere where no one is depending on me or putting me down because the things I do for them isn't good enough.  Maybe I would do something exciting like be a bush pilot or a bouncer in a small town bar or maybe I would go somewhere quiet and just breathe.  I know this is a selfish line of thought, but this a self indulgent post and that is the whole point . Would I just check out like that....never,  but you and I know we have all thought about it.
     Well look at this I wrote a blogworthy post. A post full of nonsense,  whining,  and selfishness but I do feel a little less constipated,  so good for me I guess.

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